(English translation available after the Chinese article)
父母由寶寶出生一刻，不管照顧寶寶，教導孩子，替子女安排入學等，都不斷在學習當父母，教養孩子真是一門大學問。每個父母希望成為好的父母，與子女建立良好關係，但如何才能做到？
覺醒父母是一個比較新的養兒觀念。它不同於傳統教養方法，父母會控制子女，子女一定要聽父母的話。有些父母可能會跟隨上一代的教養方式，甚至不經不覺把自己兒時的負面情緒和心靈痛楚加諸子女身上。
一個覺醒的父母會注重與子女建立親子關係，以及會注意自己的一言一行是否在幫助建立子女的自我形象，容許子女探索世界，走適合自己的路，而不是跟隨父母的意願去走人生的路。
你希望成為覺醒的父母嗎？以下有5個覺醒父母的小提示：
- 小心你的說話
不論你說話的言辭，語氣，聲調，都會影響孩子的感覺和情緒。如果我們經常向孩子大聲呼喝，嘲笑孩子，表現不耐煩，或是說負面的話，例如「不要」，「不可」，「停止」等，都可能令孩子感到不受尊重，失去安全感。
我們應該用較平穩和有耐性的語調跟孩子說話，用鼓勵和正面的用語，尊重孩子。
- 管理好自己的期望
你對孩子有甚麼期望？期望他學業成績好，運動強，琴棋書畫樣樣皆精？
父母對子女有期望是很正常的，但孩子不一定會跟隨父母的期望而行。有不少人成長期間背負著父母過高的期望，有些會跟隨父母的期望而行，但未能活出真我，甚至可能在滿足父母期望後，才找到自己的興趣。有些人則未能滿足父母的期望，或是不願意聽從父母的話，結果與父母關係很差。
因此我們要好好檢視自己的期望是否合理，給他們空間去實現自我。有時我們的期望是建基於其他同年紀的小朋友的表現，希望自己的小孩跟其他小孩一樣。要記著，每個孩子都是獨立個體，每人都有自己性格和能力，我們要避免把自己孩子與其他孩子比較。
- 謹記孩子的年紀
看到這個標題，會否覺得很奇怪，父母怎會忘記子女的年紀？的確有時候，當孩子做了一些令我們生氣的事情，我們會忘記孩子的年紀。
例如孩子在家中牆上畫畫，你一看到一定會覺得生氣，為甚麼弄污這幅牆？很難清洗啊！其實是自己一時忘記孩子只有兩歲，喜歡周圍探索是很合理的。
當我們理解合符兩歲孩子的行為，情緒就不會那麼波動，就要冷靜下來，好好向孩子解釋為何不應該在牆上畫畫，甚至可以為孩子提供另一個畫畫的空間，讓孩子發揮自己的興趣。
- 放慢速度
你有沒有留意自己是否經常說「快些」，「現在就要」，覺得孩子行動很慢，就催促孩子，很容易變得不耐煩？
孩子跟我們不同，他們年紀還小，未必能跟得上大人的節奏，但不代表他們懶惰或愚蠢，他們每天都在學習和成長，也很希望能追得上成年人呢！我們要給他們多點耐心，放慢步伐，給空間他們成長。
當父母向孩子提出問題，他們未必能立刻回答出來，或是他們的回答未必很完整。我們要耐性地等待他們自己回答，不要打斷他們的說話，事事替他們做選擇和決定，不然他們會對自己失去信心，漸漸會不願意跟成年人溝通。
- 為孩子做一個好榜樣
我們希望孩子成為怎樣的人，父母也要成為怎樣的人，因為孩子看我們為榜樣。
你希望孩子喜歡閱讀，除了親子閱讀外，父母自己也要常常閱讀，讓孩子知道父母享受閱讀，自己也希望有相同習慣。
你希望孩子對人說話有禮貌，父母也要有禮貌。正如父母經常說粗言穢語，孩子也很有可能跟著說粗言穢語。因此父母的言行要小心，尤其在孩子面前，更要留意。
你希望孩子少吃零食，父母也要少吃（想吃就不要給孩子看到！）。你勸戒孩子不要吃零食，你自己卻在吃，實在沒有說服力呢！
做一名覺醒的父母，不代表成為完美的父母，只是希望能用一個較適合的教養方式，跟孩子建立良好的親子關係。不用給自己太大壓力，因為父母跟孩子一樣，都是每天在學習和成長呢！
資料來源：
11 Conscious Parenting Tips That Will Change Your Life
What Is Conscious Parenting?
本文章所發表的全部內容均屬個人意見，並不代表Little Monkey之言論及立場。
關於作者
思嘉是一個在職媽媽，兒子約四歲，很明白在職爸媽面對的挑戰，希望能透過文字，跟各位爸媽分享有關為人父母的課題，互相支持和勉勵。
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[ENGLISH TRANSLATION]
Being a Conscious Parent
Parents are constantly learning from when their babies are born, whether it is taking care of the baby, teaching them, or arranging school for their children, etc. Raising children is really a complex and intricate topic. Every parent wants to be a good parent and establish a good relationship with their children, but how can it be done?
Conscious parenting is a relatively new concept of raising children. It is different from traditional parenting methods where parents control their children and children must listen to their parents. Some parents may follow the parenting methods of the previous generation and some even inadvertently impose their negative childhood emotions and spiritual pain onto their children.
A conscious parent will focus on establishing a parent-child relationship with their children and will pay attention to whether their words and actions are helping to build their children’s self-image. This allows their children to explore the world and take their own path instead of following the path that their parents had wished for them.
Do you want to be a conscious parent? Here are 5 tips to be a conscious parent:
- Be careful of your words
Regardless of the words used, the attitude, or the tone of your voice, it will affect your child’s feelings and emotions. If we often yell at our children, laugh at them, act impatiently, or say negative words such as “don’t”, “no”, “stop”, etc., we may make them feel disrespected and lose their sense of security.
We should speak to children in a more calm and patient tone, using encouraging and positive language so as to respect the children.
- Manage your expectation
What is your expectation of your child? Do you expect him or her to have good academic performance, strong athletic ability, excellent at piano, chess, calligraphy and painting?
It is normal for parents to have expectations of their children, but children may not necessarily follow their parents’ expectations. Many people are burdened with high expectations from their parents when they grow up. Some will follow their parents’ expectations but fail to live out their true self. They may even find their interest after meeting their parents’ expectations. Some people fail to meet their parents’ expectations, or are unwilling to obey their parents, resulting in a poor relationship with their parents.
Therefore, we must carefully examine whether our expectations are reasonable and give them space to realize themselves. Sometimes our expectations are based on the performance of other children of similar age, hoping that our children can meet that expectation. However, we must remember that every child is an independent individual and everyone has his or her own personality and abilities. We should avoid comparing our children with others.
- Remember the age of the child
Seeing this title, do you feel strange, how can parents forget the age of their children? It is true that sometimes, when a child does something that makes us angry, we forget the age of the child.
For example, if a child draws a picture on a wall at home, you will feel angry when you see this. “Why did you stain this wall? It’s hard to clean!” In fact, you forget for a moment that your child is only two years old, and it makes sense he/she likes to explore around.
When we understand the behavior of a two-year-old child, the fluctuating emotions will not be unusual. We must calm down and explain to the child why we should not draw on the wall. We can even provide another space for the child to paint to let them explore their creative interests.
- Slow down
Have you noticed that when you often say “faster” and “I want it now” and feeling that your child’s actions are too slow and rushing them, you start to become impatient?
Children are different from us. They are still young and may not be able to keep up with the rhythm of adults and this does not mean that they are lazy or stupid. They are learning and growing every day and hope to catch up with adults! We have to give them more patience, slow down and give them room to grow.
When parents ask their children questions, they may not be able to answer them immediately or their answers may not be complete. We have to wait patiently for them to answer by themselves and don’t interrupt them. Don’t make choices and decisions for them or they will lose confidence in themselves and will gradually become unwilling to communicate with adults.
- Be a good role model
What kind of person we want our children to be is the kind of person the parents should strive to be because children see us as role models.
If you want your children to like reading then in addition to parent-child reading, parents themselves should also read frequently. This lets children know that their parents enjoy reading so that they also might want to have the same habits.
If you want your children to be polite to others then parents should also be polite. Just as parents often use foul language, children are likely to follow. Therefore, parents should be careful in their words and actions especially in front of their children.
If you want your children to eat less snacks then parents also need to eat less (better make sure they don’t see you snacking if you do decide to snack!). If you advise your children not to eat snacks but you are eating them yourself, this would not be an effective way to convince them!
To be a conscious parent does not mean to be a perfect parent but to use a more suitable parenting method to establish a good parent-child relationship with the child. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself because both parents and children are learning and growing every day!
Source:
11 Conscious Parenting Tips That Will Change Your Life
What Is Conscious Parenting?
All the contents published in this article are personal opinions and do not represent the opinions and views of Little Monkey Hong Kong.
About the Author
Scarlett is a working mom with a 4-year-old son, who knows the challenges encountered by working parents. She would like to share some thoughts on parenthood that may serve as support and encouragement for moms and dads.
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Scarlesson
Website：https://www.scarlesson.com/
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