(English translation available after the Chinese article)
雙職家庭的爸媽都要外出工作，
有些家庭會選擇聘用外傭或鐘點傭工做家務，
有些家庭則會選擇父母分工，
各自負擔某些家務。
假如能平均把家務分成兩份就最好了，
可是家務很難以數量計算的。
除了日常家務，如洗衣服、清潔家居、做飯、洗碗碟等，
還有照顧孩子飲食、替孩子洗澡、教導孩子做功課／溫習，
甚至是學校的聯絡人，
好像總是落在其中一方身上。
在大部分家庭裡，
即使媽媽需要外出工作，
也是擔起較重責任的一方，
根據2019年美國的一份調查，
洗衣服、清潔家居、煮食等家務，
大多落在女性身上。
家居布置、購買日用品和洗碗碟也較常是女性的責任。
較多男性負責的是打理車子和後花園（這是香港較少有的）。
只有一項是男女分工較平均的，
就是支付各項帳單。
分工不均，
很容易令較重責任的一方感到難受，
久而久之，
可能會引起衝突，
甚至影響夫妻感情。
假如你和伴侶也面對相似情況，
有甚麼方法可以解決？
以下是一些建議，
希望能給大家一點啟示。
- 檢視自己的期望
首先檢視一下自己對伴侶的期望，
你期望他在家庭裡擔任甚麼角色？
負責甚麼家務和育兒工作？
當對方未能做到你期望的事情，
期望有落差，你會感到失望。
但你有沒有想過，
對方知道你對他的期望嗎？
又或者你的期望合理嗎？
- 了解伴侶的想法
伴侶好像不太想承擔家務和育兒的責任，
你有嘗試去了解箇中原因嗎？
伴侶成為父母後，有甚麼感受？
有甚麼事令他感到興奮？
有甚麼事令他感到擔憂？
會不會是這些擔憂，讓他想逃避責任？
會不會是因為你的要求過高，他覺得少做少錯？
又會不會是原生家庭的教導，他認為女性應該負責大部分家務？
怪責伴侶做事不上心前，
先去了解一下他的想法。
- 告訴伴侶自己的感受
夫妻相處，溝通很重要，
找一個時間，
冷靜地告訴伴侶自己一直以來的感受，
對家務分配不均的感受，
對伴侶態度的感受，
讓對方知道自己在想甚麼，
這樣可以幫助大家解決問題。
但記緊要保持冷靜，
用溫和的言語告訴對方，
不要一味責罵對方，
這樣只會令對方想迴避問題，
甚至想反擊，
對解決事情並沒有幫助。
- 欣賞對方做得好的事
我們對伴侶失望，
有時可能是自己只看對方沒有做某些家務，
卻沒有看到他對家庭付出的其他東西。
例如下班後跟孩子玩耍，
假日帶孩子外出，
修理家中電器和水電，
更換電燈泡等。
這些事情也是為家人付出，
但我們卻忽略了，
看為理所當然。
我們應該多些欣賞伴侶付出的事情，
一來可以提升對方在照顧家庭的信心，
二來自己經常想一些好事情，心情也會變好。
- 溝通好家務分工
這是最後一點，也是最重要的一點。
大家坐下來，
把大家心中定義為家務的工作列出來，
不管是日常大小事，如洗衣服、做飯、打掃等，
或是有關孩子的事，如接送孩子上學、幫孩子洗澡、陪伴孩子閱讀等，
甚至較少發生的，如修理家電、換燈泡、帶孩子看醫生等，
都一一列出來。
然後按照各人的性格、強項、時間、事情優次，
把各項事務分工，
例如說故事較生動的，負責親子閱讀，
做事較細心的，負責管理帳單，
較重視孩子學業的，負責指導孩子做功課和溫習，
周末上班的，就交由另一半陪伴孩子外出玩樂等。
在討論過程中，
需要放下傳統的性別分工，
不需再認為家務由女性做，
維修由男性做。
只要願意和有能力，
任何人都可以做任何家務的。
希望分工後，
家人間的關係可以更和諧。
資料來源：
Women Still Handle Main Household Tasks in U.S.
The mental load of motherhood: 6 new ways to share parenting duties with your partner
How to Share the Parenting Load With Your Partner
本文章所發表的全部內容均屬個人意見，並不代表Little Monkey之言論及立場。
關於作者
思嘉是一個在職媽媽，兒子約四歲，很明白在職爸媽面對的挑戰，希望能透過文字，跟各位爸媽分享有關為人父母的課題，互相支持和勉勵。
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Scarlesson
網頁：https://www.scarlesson.com/
[ENGLISH TRANSLATION]
Working Parents Unequal Division of Responsibilities at Home?
Dual-career families have both parents going out to work and some choose to hire foreign domestic helpers or part-time helpers to help with the housework. Some families divide the responsibilities between the parents with each person doing their part.
It’s great if you can equally divide the responsibilities of housework at home but usually housework is something that is hard to quantify.
In addition to daily housework, such as laundry, cleaning the home, cooking, washing dishes, etc. there are also taking care of the child’s food, bathing the child, helping the child to do homework or schoolwork review. Even the task of being the school’s contact person has to fall on one of the parents. Even if the mother has to go out to work, they are usually the parent that takes on the heavier parenting load.
According to a survey in the US in 2019, housework such as washing clothes, cleaning home, cooking, etc. mostly fall on women to do. Home furnishing, purchasing daily necessities and washing dishes are also more often women’s responsibilities.
Meanwhile, more men are responsible for car and garden responsibilities (this is a rarity in Hong Kong to have a garden). The only responsibility that is more evenly divided between men and women is paying the bills.
Uneven division of labor can easily make the more responsible party feel unfair. Over time, this may cause conflicts and affect the relationship between husband and wife.
If you and your partner are facing a similar situation, is there a way to resolve it? Here are some suggestions in hopes that it gives some enlightenment.
- Check Your Expectation
First, check your expectations of your partner. What do you expect his or her role to be? What do you expect him/her to be responsible for in terms of childcare or housework?
When the other person fails to do what you expect, there is a gap in expectations and you will be disappointed. But have you ever thought about whether the other party knows what you expect of him? Or if your expectations of him are reasonable?
- Understand the Other’s Thinking
If your partner does not seem to want to take on the responsibility of housework or childcare, have you tried to understand the reasoning for that?
How does your partner feel after becoming a parent? What excites him? What worries him? Could it be these worries are making him avoid responsibility?
Is it because your requirements are too high and he feels the less he does, the less mistakes he will commit? Could it also be the teaching of his own upbringing where he believes women should be responsible for the majority of housework?
Before blaming your partner for failing to take care of things, let’s find out what he thinks first.
- Tell the Other Party Your Feelings
Communication is very important for couples to get along so you should find a time to calmly tell your partner how you feel, especially your feelings about the uneven distribution of housework. By letting your partner know how you feel about his attitude and your overall feelings, this will help everyone to resolve the problem.
But remember to stay calm, and use gentle words and don’t scold each other. This will only make the other person want to avoid the problem to the point where they even want to fight back which doesn’t help to solve the problem.
- Appreciate the Good Work of the Other Party
When we are disappointed with our partner, it might be because we can only see housework they did not do. We may not recognize the efforts on what he did for the family. For example, playing with children after work, taking the kids out on days off, repairing home appliances, water and electricity, or replacing light bulbs, etc.
These things they do are also for the family, but we ignore it and take it for granted.
We should appreciate more of what our partner has done. This can build the other person’s confidence in taking care of the family. Secondly, when one thinks about good thoughts, their mood will improve.
- Communicate and Divide the Housework
This is the last and most important point. Everyone should sit down and make a list of the tasks that everyone has defined as housework. Regardless if they are daily tasks, such as washing clothes, cooking, cleaning, or things related to children such as transporting children to school, bathing them, reading with them, etc., or if they are one off tasks such as repairing home appliances, changing light bulbs, taking children to see a doctor, etc. We should list them all.
Then, according to each person’s personality, strengths, time, and priority, we should divide these various tasks. For example, whoever tells the story more vividly should be responsible for reading to the child. Whoever is more detail oriented should take care of the finances. Those who pay more attention to their children’s studies should be responsible for instructing children to do homework and revision. Those who have to work on weekends are left with the other half to accompany their children out for fun, etc.
During this discussion, we need to put aside the traditional division of labor by gender and we no longer need to think that the housework is done by women and repairs are done by men. As long as you are willing and capable, anyone can do any housework.
Hopefully after division of responsibilities, the family’s relationship can be more harmonious.
Source：
Women Still Handle Main Household Tasks in U.S.
The mental load of motherhood: 6 new ways to share parenting duties with your partner
How to Share the Parenting Load With Your Partner
All the contents published in this article are personal opinions and do not represent the opinions and views of Little Monkey Hong Kong.
About the Author
Scarlett is a working mom with a 4-year-old son, who knows the challenges encountered by working parents. She would like to share some thoughts on parenthood that may serve as support and encouragement for moms and dads.
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Scarlesson
Website：https://www.scarlesson.com/
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