(English translation available after the Chinese article)

思嘉當了在職媽媽已有三年多，
當年產假只有十星期，
產前花掉了三星期，
再加上多放一星期的年假，
兒子兩個月大就要復工了。
我記得復工前一天，
心情十分沉重，
因為坐月時，
二十四小時都跟兒子在一起，
一想到復工後要和兒子分開超過十小時，
當晚就大哭起來。

現在想起覺得很有趣，
今天巴不得有自己的時間 (me time)，
不用經常對著兒子。

在職媽媽經常有罪疚感，
覺得會錯過孩子成長的階段，
尤其在嬰兒階段，
差不多每天都學到新東西，
第一次翻身，
第一次站立，
第一次爬行，
第一次扶著走路，
第一次自己走路，
第一次說話……

嬰兒有很多第一次，
媽媽都很想見證到，
但很有可能媽媽在上班時錯過了孩子這些第一次，
而感到很內疚。

媽媽其他的罪疚感，
還可能是很少時間在家，
要把照顧孩子的責任交給長輩或傭人。

沒有 時間教導孩子功課，
而要外聘家教老師或送孩子到補習中心。

因為工作關係未能參加孩子的學校活動，
特別是重要場合，
例如比賽、結業禮等。

媽媽的罪疚感，
會給媽媽很大壓力，
影響情緒，
引致失眠。

媽媽要學會從這些罪疚感中走出來， 以下是一些建議：

1. 原諒自己

生完孩子後繼續工作，
不少媽媽是基於生計，
希望能給孩子更好的生活。

也有些媽媽是希望能實現自己，
不與社會脫節。

媽媽繼續工作是一種選擇，
每當我們自責，
覺得自己做甚麼角色都做不好時，
嘗試回想自己工作的原因，
告訴自己這是自己的選擇，
想想工作對家庭和自己的好處，
不再把自己想成不好。

2. 重視檢視自己的價值

媽媽，請重新想想甚麼對自己最重要，
然後多花時間在這個重要的東西上。

假如你認為家庭時間最重要，
但覺得自己花太少時間在家人身上，
就要作出取捨， 拒絕一些（對你來說）不重要的邀請，
例如與同事吃飯、
幫助鄰居照顧孩子等……
把周末留給家人。

3. 尋求協助

有些在職媽媽會把所有事都扛在自己肩上，
自己一手一腳照顧孩子，
做家務，
下班買菜和做飯，
把自己弄得很疲倦，很大壓力。

自己一個做所有事情不是沒有可能，
但媽媽也需要休息，
需要有自己的時間，
尋求別人的協助吧！

自己父母、丈夫父母、 鄰居、好友、
孩子同學的父母等，
都可以是你尋求協助的對象。

4. 不用當一個「完美」的媽媽

媽媽真的不用完美，
媽媽不用做所有「應該做的事」，
可以用自己的時間和空間，
可以假手於人，
不用為了家庭犧牲所有東西。

養育一個孩子真的不易，
要做不同的決定，
餵母乳還是奶粉，
餵食還是孩子自己吃，
跟孩子說中文還是英文，
選哪間幼稚園，
報讀甚麼興趣班…..

父母為孩子做不同決定，
未必一開始就適合孩子，
可能要經過多番嘗試，
才找到最適合孩子的。

嘗試期間或許聽到不同人的意見，
甚至批評，
令自己感到不開心，
覺得自己做得不好，
害了孩子的成長。

媽媽，相信你為孩子做的每一個決定，
都是為了他好，
只是我們每天都在學習當一個媽媽，
而每個孩子的特質都不同，
我們很難做每個行動都是完全正確的，
也不會合乎每一個人的心意。

只要盡了力便可， 為孩子好的媽媽， 都是好媽媽！

資料來源：

How to Let Go of Working-Mom Guilt

本文章所發表的全部內容均屬個人意見，並不代表Little Monkey之言論及立場。

關於作者

思嘉是一個在職媽媽，兒子約四歲，很明白在職爸媽面對的挑戰，希望能透過文字，跟各位爸媽分享有關為人父母的課題，互相支持和勉勵。

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[ENGLISH TRANSLATION]

I have been a working mom for more than three years. The maternity leave that year (I gave birth) was allotted to 10 weeks, and I took 3 of those 10 weeks off before birth to prepare for the baby in addition to another week taken from my annual leave. My son was 2 months old when I returned to work. 

I remember the day before returning to work, my heart felt extremely heavy. After spending every waking minute with my son during my maternity leave, just thinking about being away from him for over ten plus hours made me break down and sob the night before.

Now I can laugh about it thinking back to that time. Today, I treasure those alone time (me time) and do not have the need to always be with my son. 

Working mamas always have mom guilt worrying about missing out on the growth of their kids. Especially during their baby development stages where they learn new things every single day. From their first time turning over, their first time standing up, their first time crawling, their first steps holding your hand, their first steps by themselves, to their first words.

Babies have a lot of firsts and moms really want to be there to witness these first moments. But a lot of times the moms are at work and missing these moments would create that guilt. 

Mom’s other guilt could be the lack of time spent at home and they have to outsource the care of their kid to elders in their family like grandparents or domestic helpers. 

Without the time to help the kids on their homework, parents have to instead hire a tutor or tutoring center to help. 

And because of work, they might have to miss a lot of school activities especially those important occasions like competition or graduation ceremony. 

Mom’s guilt is one of the biggest pressure moms face which affect not just their emotion but also can lead to insomnia. Moms have to teach themselves to overcome this guilt and here are a few suggestions on how to do so. 

1. Forgive Yourself

Out of necessity, a lot of moms have to return to work after giving birth in hopes of giving their child a better future. There are also some moms who did not want to lose themselves and to keep in touch with society. 

Going back to work is a kind of choice. And when we start to blame ourselves and start to think that we’re not doing well in the roles we have chosen, we have to tell ourselves that this is our choice – our choice to work to help ourselves and the family and we should then try to block out all the negative thoughts. 

2. Know Your Worth

Moms should start to think about what’s most important to us and spend more time on that part. For example, if you believe family is most important but that you’re spending too little time with the family, then you can make a choice to let go of those other time-consuming parts of your life that are not as important to you. Such as eating with colleagues, helping a neighbor watch their kids, etc. Leave the weekend free times for the family instead. 

3. Ask for Help

Some working moms will try to take on everything themselves, from taking care of their child to household chores to grocery shopping after work and cooking, making yourself too tired and putting too much pressure on yourself.

Doing everything yourself is impossible as moms also need resting time and time for yourself so ask for help!

From your own parents, your in-laws, your neighbors, your good friend, your kid’s classmate’s parents, etc. – they can all be good sources of help. 

4. No Need to be a Perfect Mom

Moms do not have to be perfect. Moms don’t have to do everything that they are “supposed/expected” to do. They should have their own time and be able to delegate the tasks. They also do not need to sacrifice it all for family. 

Raising a kid is not easy, you have to make so many different decisions like breastmilk or formula, spoon feeding or baby-led weaning, speak to the kid in Chinese or English, which kindergarten to select, or which extra-curricular program to register and apply for? 

Parents make many decisions for their kids but not all the decisions will suit the child in the beginning. It might take some practice before knowing what’s right for your child. 

You hear many different opinions and criticism which will bring you down, making you feel like you’re not doing good enough and ruining the future of your child. 

Moms, believe that every decision you made is for the good of your child. We are learning every day to be a mom and every child is different so it’s very hard to always do everything right or to follow everyone’s opinion.

As long as you’re trying to do the best for your child, you’re a good mom. 

Research：

How to Let Go of Working-Mom Guilt

All the contents published in this article are personal opinions and do not represent the opinions and views of Little Monkey.

About the Author

Scarlett is a working mom with a 4-year-old son, who knows the challenges encountered by working parents. She would like to share some thoughts on parenthood that may serve as support and encouragement for moms and dads.

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Scarlesson
Website：https://www.scarlesson.com/