(English translation available after the Chinese article)
Being a Conscious Parent
Parents are constantly learning from when their babies are born, whether it is taking care of the baby, teaching them, or arranging school for their children, etc. Raising children is really a complex and intricate topic. Every parent wants to be a good parent and establish a good relationship with their children, but how can it be done?
Conscious parenting is a relatively new concept of raising children. It is different from traditional parenting methods where parents control their children and children must listen to their parents. Some parents may follow the parenting methods of the previous generation and some even inadvertently impose their negative childhood emotions and spiritual pain onto their children.
A conscious parent will focus on establishing a parent-child relationship with their children and will pay attention to whether their words and actions are helping to build their children’s self-image. This allows their children to explore the world and take their own path instead of following the path that their parents had wished for them.
Do you want to be a conscious parent? Here are 5 tips to be a conscious parent:
- Be careful of your words
Regardless of the words used, the attitude, or the tone of your voice, it will affect your child’s feelings and emotions. If we often yell at our children, laugh at them, act impatiently, or say negative words such as “don’t”, “no”, “stop”, etc., we may make them feel disrespected and lose their sense of security.
We should speak to children in a more calm and patient tone, using encouraging and positive language so as to respect the children.
- Manage your expectation
What is your expectation of your child? Do you expect him or her to have good academic performance, strong athletic ability, excellent at piano, chess, calligraphy and painting?
It is normal for parents to have expectations of their children, but children may not necessarily follow their parents’ expectations. Many people are burdened with high expectations from their parents when they grow up. Some will follow their parents’ expectations but fail to live out their true self. They may even find their interest after meeting their parents’ expectations. Some people fail to meet their parents’ expectations, or are unwilling to obey their parents, resulting in a poor relationship with their parents.
Therefore, we must carefully examine whether our expectations are reasonable and give them space to realize themselves. Sometimes our expectations are based on the performance of other children of similar age, hoping that our children can meet that expectation. However, we must remember that every child is an independent individual and everyone has his or her own personality and abilities. We should avoid comparing our children with others.
- Remember the age of the child
Seeing this title, do you feel strange, how can parents forget the age of their children? It is true that sometimes, when a child does something that makes us angry, we forget the age of the child.
For example, if a child draws a picture on a wall at home, you will feel angry when you see this. “Why did you stain this wall? It’s hard to clean!” In fact, you forget for a moment that your child is only two years old, and it makes sense he/she likes to explore around.
When we understand the behavior of a two-year-old child, the fluctuating emotions will not be unusual. We must calm down and explain to the child why we should not draw on the wall. We can even provide another space for the child to paint to let them explore their creative interests.
- Slow down
Have you noticed that when you often say “faster” and “I want it now” and feeling that your child’s actions are too slow and rushing them, you start to become impatient?
Children are different from us. They are still young and may not be able to keep up with the rhythm of adults and this does not mean that they are lazy or stupid. They are learning and growing every day and hope to catch up with adults! We have to give them more patience, slow down and give them room to grow.
When parents ask their children questions, they may not be able to answer them immediately or their answers may not be complete. We have to wait patiently for them to answer by themselves and don’t interrupt them. Don’t make choices and decisions for them or they will lose confidence in themselves and will gradually become unwilling to communicate with adults.
- Be a good role model
What kind of person we want our children to be is the kind of person the parents should strive to be because children see us as role models.
If you want your children to like reading then in addition to parent-child reading, parents themselves should also read frequently. This lets children know that their parents enjoy reading so that they also might want to have the same habits.
If you want your children to be polite to others then parents should also be polite. Just as parents often use foul language, children are likely to follow. Therefore, parents should be careful in their words and actions especially in front of their children.
If you want your children to eat less snacks then parents also need to eat less (better make sure they don’t see you snacking if you do decide to snack!). If you advise your children not to eat snacks but you are eating them yourself, this would not be an effective way to convince them!
To be a conscious parent does not mean to be a perfect parent but to use a more suitable parenting method to establish a good parent-child relationship with the child. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself because both parents and children are learning and growing every day!
All the contents published in this article are personal opinions and do not represent the opinions and views of Little Monkey Hong Kong.
About the Author
Scarlett is a working mom with a 4-year-old son, who knows the challenges encountered by working parents. She would like to share some thoughts on parenthood that may serve as support and encouragement for moms and dads.